Exploring IFS with Dr. Schwartz & Dr. Huberman
How Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles Work Together to Shape Your Mind—and What It Takes to Heal Them
In a recent podcast, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, shared his insights on understanding our inner selves. The conversation, hosted by Andrew Huberman, explored the intricacies of IFS, a therapeutic approach that views the mind as a collection of distinct parts, each shaped by our experiences.
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
At its core, IFS posits that we are not just a single entity but rather a mosaic of various parts. Each part has its own perspectives, feelings, and motivations. These parts often emerge in response to life experiences, especially trauma. Dr. Schwartz explained that these parts can be categorized mainly into three groups: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles.
IFS Managers
Managers are protective parts that strive to maintain control and prevent negative experiences. They are the ones who worry about potential failures or conflicts. For example, if you have a part that constantly pushes you to excel at work to avoid criticism, that's a Manager at play. While their intentions are good, they can sometimes be overly controlling, leading to stress and burnout.
Here are some more examples of Managers taking the wheel:
A part that obsessively checks emails and Slack messages to ensure no mistakes or missed deadlines, fearing harsh feedback or disapproval.
A part that constantly revises a social media post before sharing it, worried about judgment from friends or colleagues.
A part that plans every family gathering meticulously, trying to prevent any conflict or unexpected issues.
A part that pushes you to over-research every purchase—from grocery choices to new gadgets—because it dreads the idea of “wasting money” or making a wrong decision.
IFS Firefighters
Firefighters are reactive parts that jump in during crises. Their primary goal is to extinguish emotional pain, often through impulsive actions. This could manifest as substance abuse, binge eating, or other forms of escapism. These parts believe that if they don't act quickly, the emotional turmoil will overwhelm the person.
Here are some everyday scenarios where Firefighters jump in to douse the emotional flames:
A part that shops online impulsively whenever feelings of sadness or anxiety creep in, seeing retail therapy as a quick fix.
A part that immediately turns on the TV or starts scrolling through social media for hours to numb uncomfortable thoughts after a stressful day.
A part that reacts to any sign of conflict by saying something hurtful or storming out of the room, attempting to escape the tension.
A part that makes you binge-watch entire seasons of a show in one sitting right after a disappointing day at work, trying to push away the frustration and fear.
A part that instinctively reaches for alcohol, marijuana, or other substances whenever stressful thoughts or situations arise – or a part that utilizes these substances on a daily basis to prevent you from facing your current reality.
IFS Exiles
Exiles are the vulnerable parts of ourselves that hold onto painful memories and feelings, often stemming from trauma. These parts are typically locked away because they evoke discomfort and fear. The challenge is that when these Exiles are triggered, they can lead to intense emotional reactions, causing us to feel overwhelmed or out of control.
Below are a few ways Exiles might appear in our day-to-day lives, each carrying lingering pain from the past:
A part that feels abandoned or rejected whenever someone cancels plans, tracing back to a painful childhood memory of being left out.
A part that experiences intense shame whenever someone raises their voice or criticizes you in any way (from personal criticism to work/academic product criticism), rooted in a past environment where anger felt dangerous.
A part that “freezes” during disagreements because it recalls a time when expressing itself led to harsh punishment or ridicule; this is often seen to others as you “shutting down” or even “not caring.”
A part that feels deep sadness at even small losses—like losing a favorite trinket—because it’s connected to an early memory of not being able to grieve openly.
Understanding Our Parts with IFS
Dr. Schwartz emphasized that understanding these parts is helpful for healing and simply being happy and fulfilled. He shared a powerful metaphor: consider your mind as a family. Just as family members have different roles and dynamics, so do our internal parts. It's essential to listen to these parts, understand their fears, and appreciate their attempts to protect us.
Practical Steps to Work with Your Parts
One of the most intriguing aspects of the conversation was the practical application of IFS. Dr. Schwartz guided listeners through an experiential exercise to help identify and connect with their parts (by using IFS “on” Dr. Huberman himself, holding a truly live session). Here are some actionable steps you can take to start your journey into IFS:
Identify a Part: Reflect on a recurring emotion or behavior. What part of you is driving this? Is it a Manager, Firefighter, or Exile?
Locate the Sensation: Pay attention to where you feel this part in your body. Is there tension in your shoulders? A knot in your stomach? In Huberman’s case, an iron teddy bear?
Get Curious: Ask this part what it wants you to know. Approach it with compassion instead of judgment. What is it trying to protect you from?
Appreciate the Intention: Thank this part for its efforts to keep you safe, even if its methods are not working anymore.
Engage in Dialogue: Ask the part what it needs from you going forward. This can help build a trusting relationship between you and your parts.
The Role of Trauma
Trauma plays a significant role in shaping our parts. Dr. Schwartz noted that many of our Exiles carry burdens from past experiences, which can lead to maladaptive behaviors in the present. These Exiles don’t need to be “big T trauma” - they can also be the traumas passed down by our relatives and caretakers in the form of verbal teachings. By addressing these traumas through IFS, we can begin to heal and unburden these parts, allowing them to transform into more functional aspects of ourselves.
IFS and Relationships
Another key point discussed was how IFS can improve our relationships. By understanding our internal dynamics, we can communicate more effectively with others. When we approach interactions from a place of self-awareness, we can respond rather than react, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Interested in Exploring IFS?
If you’re intrigued by IFS and want to explore it further, here are some actionable insights:
Consider journaling about your parts. Write down what you notice and how they interact.
Seek out resources, such as books on IFS, to deepen your understanding. Dr. Schwartz's own works, such as No Bad Parts, can be an excellent starting point. He recently published a workbook that also helps someone work through IFS without necessarily requiring a therapist or coach trained in IFS.
Practice mindfulness to become more attuned to your internal experiences. This can help you identify and engage with your parts more effectively.
The Internal Family Systems approach offers a powerful framework for understanding ourselves and our behaviors. By recognizing and nurturing our parts, we reach a state of true acceptance and even gratitude for all aspects of ourselves. The insights shared by Dr. Schwartz provide a compelling invitation to explore our inner worlds and embrace the complexity of our identities. As we learn to listen to and understand our parts, we can cultivate a greater sense of self-compassion and connection with both ourselves and others.